Having to use my bathroom immediately after cleaning it.

When my legs fall asleep on the toilet, I stand up, almost break my ankle, and have to run to a place I can sit before my legs turn into fire.

Paying for next-day shipping and it counting for only business days.

This: “Hey, man. How’s it going?” “How’s it going?”

Runny noses. It’s like… infinite…

Having the mustard on the lettuce side.

When people say “just saying.”

Both providing and receiving customer support.

Customers.

“THOU” Example: “I pulled in hundred thou last year.”

Having to use the bathroom and not being able to because someone FUCKING BLEW IT UP AND I CANT BREATHE IN THERE OMG MAKE IT GO AWAY!

Unfortunately timed erections.

When my wrist falls off the bottom edge of my notebook and my writing gets all fucked because of it.

Writing two capital Ts sequentially.

When the same word is in two lines and right above its self.

When I’m reading a number to someone, they make sounds of acknowledgement every couple of numbers, and I have to repeat myself because they won’t shut the fuck up.

When I tell someone on the phone to go to a website and they type the URL into Google.