Has anyone noticed that one cannot drink a milkshake and look manly?

Sold a Wacom tablet and they retailer called it a “writy thing.” Good god.

Sometimes, I’ll walk slower or even miss an elevator to avoid talking to someone I don’t even have a problem with.

I keep hearing the damn “Critical Stop” sound in the apartment above me. YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN’T FUCKING CLICK THERE. STOP IT NOW!

Last night, I was with this beautiful girl. We jumped out of an airplane together without parachutes. We looked at each other, said “I love you,” and landed safely in some field. We found a secret model of the airport and its sub-systems covered by fake dirt. We had to pick someone up from the airport. I think it was her boyfriend. I posted on Facebook that I fell ten thousand feet from an airplane and didn’t have a scratch. No one commented. I later posted a video of me falling, shot by someone who wasn’t there. The girl wasn’t in the video.

For some unrelated reason I can’t remember, I got locked away in a mental facility where I had to solve the murder of my ghost room mate. There was a finger print on a key that needed to be reanalyzed. In the mental facility, I had a lot of sex; I mean a LOT of sex with Rachel Weisz.

Last night was a trip.

7 days without smoking. Still not over being pissed off for no fucking reason.